Aug 23 2008
Losing fighter goes on a ass-kicking victory celebration
(Bejing, China) Cuban fans erupted in violent jubilation at the conclusion of Cuban fighter Angel Valodia Matos’ Olympic taekwondo match. Valodia Matos was fighting with Cha Dongmin of South Korea for the bronze medal semifinal match in the 176-pound weight class.
As other witnesses report, after the violent eruption from the Cuban fans, Matos’ was so excited that he started kicking and punching at everyone around. The referee, identified on the match report as Klay Thomas of Switzerland, was the first innocent victim of what Matos would later call his ass-kicking victory celebration. While Thomas declared the South Korean the winner, Matos, and his adoring fans, misunderstood the decision and the celebration began.
In an exclusive interview with The Fake News Nightly, Matos shares his story, “I was very, very confused. I had been hit in the head many times, and my eyesight was a little blurry. When the referee pointed at the winner, I really thought he pointed at me. At that moment it was like a dream come true. All my life I have been training in Cuba for this, you don’t know what it’s like, I went crazy. It was going to mean everything, and then I just sort of went crazy. You know a happy kind of I’m going to kick everyone’s ass crazy. I was in my ass-kicking victory celebration zone.”
After kicking the referee, Matos went on to knock-out his trainer, the water boy, a couple of cheerleaders, and then finally a couple of his relatives who were watching in the stands. When the madness drained from his body, Matos was informed that he had lost the bronze medal. His only words were, “Can I have asylum here in China? Cause when I get home I’m goinna have some splaing to do to Fidel and Raul, maybe I not make it back for another Olympics. Maybe I not see the light of day every again. Please can I stay here?”
