The Fake News Nightly

(Bejing, China) Just days after the closing ceremonies, the The Beijing Organizing Committee for the Games (BOCOG) of the XXIX Olympiad has made a startling announcement. After evidence surfaced drawing into doubt the validity of the opening and closing ceremonies, the BOCOG has announced that both activities were the work of very sophisticated computer graphics. While a previous announcement by the BOCOG indicated that only a part of the dazzling opening ceremonies were digitally enhanced at broadcast, they are now confessing that the both productiona were computer generated.

It seems after months and months of preparation, the original ceremonies were just not impressive enough. Liu Qi, Presient of the Executive Board of the BOCOG, said, “After much practice, we decided to generate the ceremonies using computer graphics. We setup these huge green screens and recorded all of the athletes marching into the stadium. Then at broadcast time we used computer generated images to fill in the background and the performers. We wanted the Americans to fear us after they saw the opening ceremony, and the live production was just no intimidating enough.”

The Fake Nightly News has confirmed this with a number of athletes that took part in the opening or closing ceremonies. Andreas Thorkildsen, Finnish gold medal winner of the javelin said, “It was really, really weird working in front of the green screens, but the BOCOG told us that if we released any information about the staged production before the Olympics we were going to be disqualified. I worked too hard to take that risk. They looked like they pretty serious about this, so I didn’t mess with them.”

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