The Fake News Nightly

(Gayville, South Dakota) Biff Wellington doesn’t want to believe it. After spending a fortune on cosmetic facial surgery, he wants to show off his new face by uploading a new photograph to his Facebook profile. However, his friends have been warning him that he should not do anything for five or six months, when his collagen lip injection has faded. Biff argued, “I really thought I had an Angeline Jolie thing going on. Maybe the double whammy of Botox and Collagen was too much, but I really thought it was going to make me a player.”

While collagen lip injections have been most popular among women, there is a growing trend of men electing the procedure as well. According to Dr. Carl Kluck, “Many young male urban professionals are opting for cosmetic surgery these days. In my opinion more and more metrosexual men are seeing those pesky laugh lines around the mouth, and just as women have been expected to for generations are reaching for the phone to call a good plastic surgeon.”

Harry Pitts, a close friend of Biff’s said, “I think Biff looks like a dork. I mean what the fuck was he thinking?” As Harry is recovering from hysterical laughter, “Make him a player, my ass. More like make him look gayer.”

Photo Courtesy of Flickr Creative Commons: David Boyle

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