The Fake News Nightly

(Happyland, Oklahoma) As the presidential candidates wind down their campaigns, 2008 will go down in history as the most costly election. The non-partisan Center for Responsive Politics is estimating that, in total, all of the candidates will have spent a record $2.4 billion for this election. To gauge the public’s opinion on this new mark for campaign spending, the USAToday.com and Gallop asked over a thousand people, “Has too much been spent on the presidential campaigns?” Today they announced the surprisingly results, 70% of Americans agree that there has been excessive spending.

In other polls conducted by the USAToday.com and Gallop, they’ve also determined that most people get cheesed when their neighbor buys a new car before they do. In addition, in a shocking poll, they’ve announced that it really sucks when your coworker either, gets a raise before you, gets to go on the boondoggle training trip, or gets the cubicle by the window. These alarming polls come after last week’s results which determined that very few non-exempt workers think it’s cool for their boss to demand that they stay late for work.

Willie B. Hardigan, Senior Poller with Gallop, shared his take on these results, “Yessiree, we’re really getting good at these polls. In our staff meetings we sit around and share ideas about what questions might make good polls. Although most of the staff participate in the meeting over the phone, I think we get some really insightful questions from the group. But I have to tell you, we get pretty upset when people claim that we ask the most obvious fucking questions possible. If the questions are so easy, why does everyone seem to quote our polls every time we announce our results? … That’s what I thought!”