The Fake News Nightly

(Odd, West Virginia) While many acknowledge that the potential historic importance of this year’s election, many people who showed up for voting turned away in disappointment. In early reports trickling into the Fake News Nightly, apparently hundreds of thousands of people feel they were tricked into showing up at voting stations. They claim they were contacted by representatives of both the Obama and McCain campaigns and were told that the government would be handing out new economic stimulus checks at their nearest voting station.

According to one disgruntled voter, the message she received told her that if she was registered to vote and appeared at her designated voting location, a $600 check was waiting for her, and all she had to do was present her voter registration card. The young mother of two said that she felt betrayed and that she would have to cancel her plans of buying a new plasma television that she wanted from Walmart.

Representatives from both parties resolutely deny that any such calls were made, and countered with a proclamation of how proud they were of the voter turnout. Each party claimed that the historic turnout was a demonstration of the strength and vitality of the American democratic process.

When asked about the economic stimulus check scam, one voter responded, “Sombody’s got sum splaining to do. Ah mean, watz a brother hav ta do ta get a break? Sur I got me one of doz calls. I figur’d it sure would be fine to get me one of doz checks. I gots bills to pay. Since gas be coming down I got me a brand new used Chrysler Magnums, you kno, wit da hemi. Dat ride be fine. You know wha I’m sayin.” When asked for verification if the voter had actually received a call, he said, “Well ya no, I axually got a call fum my cusin, hez da one who told me bout it. I shudda known betta, dat boy be smokin up a lot of weed. He high as a kite most  of da time. Dat fool. Ima smack him upside his head when I sees him.”