Apr 15 2009
Crohn’s zone
If you’ve been following the Fake News Nightly for any time, you might have noticed a bit of a gap between my last post and those from before. There’s a really good explanation, no, I was recently released from Guantanamo Bay after the recent announcements. While I’ve never publicly admitted it, I have Crohn’s Disease. So due to a recent flare-up, I was unable to fulfill my usual reporting responsibilities, but we’re excited to make a new announcement.
In a new series of investigative reports, Fake News Nightly will penetrate the dark inner secrets of this mysterious affliction. Using in-depth reporting of a probing nature, your host Mike Ock, will travel to where the sun doesn’t shine to get the dirty poop on this vile disease.
Discovered back in 1932, Crohn’s Disease is essentially what you get when your body starts to behave like your intestines, your esophagus, or even your anus don’t belong inside your body anymore. So your body in all it’s wisdom starts attacking the offending parts of your body. As you can imagine, the body parts that are affected are pretty upset about this attack, and proceed to go on strike.
As this little stand-off takes place you basically do what you feel. In other words, you feel like shit from all of the cramping, bloating, inflammation, pain, and fatigue. Then you shit, a lot. No matter what, no matter when, you’ve got to go, when you’ve got to go. Sometimes as many as 12 times a day. Which just makes you feel like that guy from the goatse photograph. Just think of the way you felt the first time you saw that, and you can get an idea what this particularly nasty disease is like.
Photo Courtesy of Flickr Creative Commons: pnoeric
