The Fake News Nightly

In a gutsy move, Tom Delay, ex-Republican House Majority Leader, has agreed to participate in the smash reality television program ‘Dancing With the Stars.’ Shocking many, the 62 year old politician from Laredo, Texas will compete against a much younger field for the coveted championship for the 9th season of the program.

In an interview with FNN, Delay explained that he’s got dancing in his blood and “jumped at the chance” to join the cast. While it may be difficult to accept some politician’s at anything they claim, for this reporter, this is one claim that I think Delay can back up. Delay has a long career of dancing around dicey issues like accepting contributions from Russian oil executives, committing perjury during a civil lawsuit brought against him by a former business partner, or pirouetting his way through a tricky campaign finance investigation which ended with the indictment of several of his associates, as well as Jack Abramoff.

No, Delay is very light on his feet, having survived a lifetime of tainted politics, which forced him from the majority leadership and eventually out of public office for good. “I love dancing … you’ve got to love dancing if you’re from Texas,” DeLay told Chris Cuomo on “Good Morning America.” “Especially if you find yourself in elected office. I mean just look at President George W. Bush. There’s another great example of a Texas politician that was able to Two-Step through some of the trickiest and potentially damning situations ever to touch the White House.”

Known as “The Hammer,” a nickname given for his ability to hammer legislation through Congress, Delay is optimistic about his opportunities. “Heck, if I’ve Hustle-ed my way out of repeated conspiracy charges, I should be able to Viennese Waltz my way through this competition.”