The Fake News Nightly

Psst. A neighbor of mine recently brought this to my attention, so I thought I would pass it on. It’s kind of a secret so don’t spread it around. Okay?

Well, with soaring gasoline prices, soaring energy costs, and the growing “green” movement, one of the first suggestions to save energy is to replace all of your incandescent light bulbs with planet friendly fluorescent light bulbs. But I don’t know about you, but I think fluorescent light bulbs are dim, ugly, and expensive. Why does everything that is supposed to save the environment cost me more money? Can someone tell me that?

So my friend and I are talking one night under the dingy glow of some eco-lighting and he says to me “Well you know what I’m going to do, don’t you?” I said “about what?” To which he blurts out “about these damn, stupid, dingy, light bulbs they are telling everyone to switch to.” So I say “I don’t know, what?”

Then looking around pensively he says “I’m buying up all of the incandescent light bulbs I can get my hands on. I stuffing them up in my attic, kind of like insulation.” “Why are you doing that?” I said. “Just you watch. Just you watch,” he continued, “before you know it they’re going to outlaw making the good old fashion light bulbs and they’ll be nothing left but these crappy light bulbs. You know me, you’ve been over to my house, I just can’t stand to cook, eat, or read by these darn-fangled eco-friendly bulbs. So I’m making sure that when they stop selling them, I’ll have enough to left the rest of my life time.”

I was thinking, as he finished, I wonder how long those bulbs will stay good for? What happens if there is a storm and a tree branch blows into his attic? So I said “Hmm, sounds like a good idea.” Not knowing what else I could respond to him, then I said “How about those Cubs? Think this will be THE year?”

But last night as I was laying in bed, with visions of thousands of light bulbs whirling around my head, I thought, well my friend has a point. What about all those people who do everything else they can to save the planet, but prefer the crystal clear glow of incandescent bulbs? What are they supposed to do. So to ease my conscious I decided that I had to tell someone else. So if you’re like my friend, maybe you need to start feigning that you’re blowing a lot of light bulbs and always pick an extra dozen or so boxes of bulbs each time you go to the grocery or hardware store. I hope you’ve got a big strong sttic, I heard that the weather might be getting a little worse in the coming years.

This is a paid advertisement from General Electric (GE) Corporation, lighting division.